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  • Writer's pictureJay F. Servedio

The Find (a comedy sketch).

PREFACE:

hey gang, I know this isn't another part of "The Valley," but I didn't have time to finish part three! I did, however, have time to write a comedy sketch. It's fun, and more importantly, it's short and easy to consume. It is also a well needed break from all the violence of "The Vally." New chapter to that will be up next week. in the meantime, kick your feet up, crack open a beer, and get ready to laugh as you read...


The Find.


INT. MILLER HOME - FOYER - EVENING

ROBERT MILLER (54, white) walks into his home.

He closes the brown door behind him, takes the grey overcoat he's wearing off and hangs it up on the coat rack to his left.

He strolls down the hall into:

INT. MILLER HOME - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Robert walks in to see MONICA (48, black), his wife, sitting at the kitchen table.

On the table, there is an oversized teal dildo with a suction cup on the bottom.

Robert sees the dildo and a look of abject horror conquers his face.

MONICA

Robert.

ROBERT

Uh... hi, hun--

MONICA I found this in our closet.

ROBERT

Oh... wow... really?

MONICA

Really.

ROBERT

Wow...


MONICA Wow?


ROBERT

Um--

MONICA That's all you have to say about this?

ROBERT

Look, Monica, I--


MONICA No, Robert, this is inexcusable!

ROBERT I know. I was always worried this would happen--

MONICA How do you think I feel?! I BIRTHED HER for God's Sake!


Confusion takes the place of horror.

ROBERT

Wha--

MONICA To think, OUR DAUGHTER is allowing her

PERVERT BOYFRIEND to... to...

use this... MONSTROSITY on her!

ROBERT

Oh--

MONICA I know, Robert, it disgusts me too... we weren't strict enough with her.

ROBERT I mean... clearly.

MONICA And in OUR closet of all places! Inexcusable!

ROBERT You... took the words right out of my mouth.

MONICA She's out with Jacob right now. When she gets back,

she's going to get a stern talking-to.

ROBERT Well... I mean, she's twenty-two now.

Maybe... maybe we just shouldn't say anythi--

MONICA Are you serious right now?!

ROBERT

Uh--

MONICA Not only does this behavior defy EVERYTHING we taught our daughter--

ROBERT

Yes but--

MONICA But it took place in OUR ROOM of all places! There's no respect!

ROBERT But... what if it isn't hers...

MONICA What do you mean? Who else would own something like this?

Robert is silent.

MONICA (CONT'D) Wait...

Robert continues to be as quiet as a cucumber.

MONICA (CONT'D) Are you saying... this could be JACOBS?!

Robert takes a pause before answering.


ROBERT Yes.

MONICA Oh my God, Robert... I've always had my suspicions

that he was some sort of... sexual deviant.

ROBERT

Yes.

MONICA Well, we're going to get to the bottom of this.

One way or another, this is going to stop TODAY!

And Stephanie is going to hear it from us when she--

The front door is heard opening offscreen.

STEPHANIE (O.S.)

Hey, I'm home!

Monica's eyes grow wide. She looks to her husband and nods.


He nods back.

Monica gets up, dildo in hand, and rushes out of the room to scream:

MONICA You've got some explaining to do young lady! What the hell is this?!

STEPHANIE (O.S.)

OH MY GOD MOM, EW!

The screaming continues offscreen as Robert's head drops into his palms.

ROBERT

Thank fuck.

CUT TO BLACK.

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