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  • Writer's pictureJay F. Servedio

A Hole Lot of Trouble

here's a shitty little sketch I wrote. Wanted to get SOMETHING up because it's been a minute. More parts of "The Valley" and "Bar Between Dimensions" coming soon.


RICKY, a ruggedly handsome man in in his early thirties, is digging a body shaped hole.

There is a burlap sack with blood leaking through its threads, that is hidden behind a tree.

The top of a head and a foot are peaking out of the top of the sack.

Ricky is breathing heavy and shoveling rapidly.

The click of a gun's hammer being pulled back is heard from behind Ricky and a

flashlight is turned on, illuminating him completely.

The Man behind Ricky speaks.

MAN Drop the shovel, and turn around reaaaal slow-like.

Ricky does as he is instructed.

He turns, hands in the air, to face the man: RANGER TED, a portly, balding, park ranger in his mid forties.

RICKY Look, officer, this isn't what it looks like...

RANGER TED It isn't what it looks like... Golly, the amount of times I've heard

that from pieces of shit like you.

RICKY Sir, I swear I didn't come here looking for trouble-

RANGER TED Oh yeah? Well your type has been coming to my woods, bringing this

EXACT FLAVOR of trouble SINCE I've been

working at this here park.

Ricky's eyebrows narrow.

RICKY It's that popular of a spot?

RANGER TED You better bet your sour ass it is. And don't pretend you ain't in

kahoots with those other fellas either, son.

A genuinely confused look finds its way onto Ricky's face.


I'm sorry?

Ranger Ted shakes his balding head.

RANGER TED Don't play games with me, you slimy, slug fucking, degenerate.

I know you're a part of that

Goddamn Hole-digging cult that's been

leaving all of those chasms on my trails.

You bastards cause about seven injuries a day

before we're able to undo all of your heinous work.

Ricky's eyes widen.

He looks over at the body.

RANGER TED (CONT'D) Why do you sons of of bitches keep doing this? Is it some weird sex thing?

Ricky's eyes are still fixated on his bag o'carcass.

RICKY Something like that, yeah.

RANGER TED Well cut it the fuck out. You can dig and bang holes in yer own yard, fer shits sake.

Ricky looks back at Ranger Ted.


Uh... sorry sir.

RANGER TED Damn right yer sorry. Now, I'm gonna let you off with a warning,

but you gotta fill this here whole hole.


For real?

RANGER TED Mhmm. But, lord forgive me, if I find you, or one of your sick hole fuckin' friends

back here with a shovel ever again,

I will single- handedly relieve you

of your ditch diggin' dick. Is that understood, son?




Good. Now getterdun.

Ricky salutes, and starts filling in the hole.

Ranger Ted takes notice of the burlap sack.

Without Ricky noticing, he makes his way over to the bag.

As he approaches, he sees the red liquid dripping out the bottom.

His eyes grow wider than the moon.

He bends over, grabs the bag, and opens it, discovering a mass of dismembered body parts.

Ranger Ted looks over his shoulder.

Ricky, unaware of what Ranger Ted has found, continues to fill in the hole, facing only his work.

RICKY Hey, you mind if I throw on a little Dolly Parton while I work.

I feel like "9-5" actually helps pass the time

while doing manual labor.

There is no response.

RICKY (CONT'D) Officer?

Ranger Ted clears his throat.

Ricky turns around, to see the bloody sack at Ranger Ted's feet, and Ranger Ted's revolver pointed right at his face.

Ricky drops the shovel and throws his hands up, for the second time.

Ricky sighs.

RICKY (CONT'D) To be fair, Officer, I did tell you this wasn't what it looked like.


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